Today I tried a flat white. My second ever coffee. I imagine that any Australians reading this will be thinking “How old are you??” Much as I imagined they were after my first coffee. (Please let us all studiously ignore the fact that I happen to be wearing the same jeans and shoes today as I was two weeks ago. I do have more clothes than this, I promise.)
Any non-Australians reading this will probably be mightily confused, wondering what on earth a flat white is. If you are, don’t worry…I don’t know what it is either.
Honestly I don’t. One day I will actually look up what these different coffee drinks consist of. Or, you know, just find an adult and ask them. But for the time being I kind of like that I have absolutely no idea what I’m putting in my mouth (oh stop it!), just jumping into these mysterious coffee waters completely unawares. Surprise Coffee!
Anyway, the verdict. Once again the best way I have to describe it is that I didn’t hate it. Unlike the latte, which was milky enough to just taste like a kind of bitter tea, I took one sip of this and thought “Yep…that is coffee.” Bitter as…something really bitter. (Is there a “Bitter as ____” simile in circulation? I wanted something more sophisticated than “fuck”…)
So after my first taste I wasn’t sure if I could finish it, wasn’t sure if I hadn’t reached my limit for coffee experimentation. But I kept drinking and lo and behold, by the end of the cup I didn’t mind it at all. You talk about an acquired taste…I seemed to magically acquire this taste in the space of about three minutes. It really wasn’t that bad. I’m starting to see why people drink this stuff.
So I have successfully completed coffee level: flat white. I’m going to keep pushing the boundaries of coffee exploration – boldly go where my tastebuds have never gone before! – until I reach the point where I finally go “Blergh, that’s gross” and slink meekly back into my Peter Pan life, never to become a fully grown, coffee drinking adult. Until then, I am the tenth century Nordic explorer of coffee: being blown into strange new drinks by great gusts of wind, having no idea what lies therein.